TELL ME STUFF.
Hey. I’m not joking. I need your help.
But first let’s talk about things that are NOT EASY.
Okay so this is just me, personally, but I am no longer in St. Louis. And some things are apparent to me as I am elsewhere:
a) It is an illusion that 80% of people are not straight. It is an illusion that was really great that somehow infected me as I was surrounded by the amoeba-esque safety-net of South Grand and its inhabitants.
b) When I am not in my comfy corner of the planet, the HUMAN TOLL gets higher.
LET’S THINK ABOUT THIS JUST A SEC.
So I’ve been donating some thought (for better or worse) to Jared’s comment on our HUMAN TOLL.
I’ve realized that I have LOTS of tolls. You know? I think our tolls change as we go from place to place? And what does any environment COST us?
In a world of red fish, the yellow fish has to sort of pay her toll for being yellow. But when she is in a world of yellow fish, she has to pay her toll for being…I don’t know…really ADD.
When I am in my semi-new surroundings of grad school, my QUEER person toll is higher. I pay an extra thought, an extra act of overcompensation, an extra effort to find where all those people with those haircuts and tattoos are going…
What’s your toll?
Maybe it’s queerness, or lack thereof. Maybe it’s that you have terrible body odor or seem to be followed by an undeserved karmic curse.
Maybe it’s that your parents weren’t kind to you, or that your feet are different sizes.
Maybe it’s an illness.
A big loss.
An aversion to human contact.
A fear of something irrational, like condiments or the word “moist.”
I think one of the biggest ones for all humans after the age of eighteen is that we’ve had our hearts hurt. We carry that all the time. (Except not me, that’s never happened. I’m totally okay with everything always. You can probably tell by how smooth/confident/effortlesslygraceful I am).
I’m going to just…put it out there that I think I have a whole handful of problems. I’m only going to give some (a teensy fraction of) examples of my personal...
1. Inability to conform to social expectation.
2. Natural inclination to NOT do what people tell me I should/could do.
3. Obsession/interest with all things/people that seem (or are) UNATTAINABLE to me. (I am not special. This is some sick fascination that many of us have. It costs us a lot a whole lot of the time, so why we’re all not over it, I really couldn’t say. Seriously, let’s get healthier about this. It leads to being CREEPY).
4. General state of discomfort. (Symptoms: Spaz laugh, non-English or non-Human speech, choosing to WRITE as a career, being called awkward by 100% of people I interact with on a regular or non-regular or one-time basis).
We could REALLY go on, but that’s all I feel like I can share right here right now.
WHAT IS YOUR TOLL? What’s the biggest one?
Is your HUMAN TOLL less at MoKaBe’s? Or different?
Do you have any TOLL to pay there?
THIS IS IMPORTANT.
I think some of these things might bind us. I think some of them may be funny. I think our problems are pretty great to talk about. (I think they might be what I want to explore in this documentary.)
WHICH BRINGS ME TO THIS: (No, still…more help).
Let’s talk about questions.
WHAT IS THIS MOVIE ABOUT?
ANSWER: People keep asking me this. I don’t really know. It has to do with MoKaBe’s Coffeehouse. It has to do with why people spend time here, and why that time is different than time spent at other places. It has to do with their HUMAN TOLL and what they bring or leave behind or shed or gain.
It has to do with people who have found a HOME here.
Or people who have found COMFORT here.
Or people who have met their LOVE(S) here.
Or people who come here anyway.
Or people who have changed here?
"I reflect on what my twenty year old self thought I would be at twenty-seven…and it is not this. But I’m extremely happy with my life." (Liz T.)
So that’s good. I guess we’ll get to that later. Like…later.
Forget that one.
WHAT IS THIS MOVIE CALLED?
ANSWER: I AM HAVING A REALLY HARD TIME WITH THIS QUESTION SO PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE FOR REAL.
I have asked some people what the movie of their lives would be called. I get a lot of “umm…I don’t know.” I think I have this idea that the name of the movie about someone who has been changed/ruined/enlightened/bored by this place MIGHT nicely coincide with a title for a film about the place itself.
EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
Some titles I have gotten:
“I hope you didn’t pay for this.”
“Where did I leave my shoes?”
I have a couple of promising titles that relate to both the lives of individuals and their experiences at MoKaBe’s, but I would like MORE.
If you come up with the name of the film, you will WIN:
The honor of naming a movie that might be seen by someone sometime.
YES! It could happen to you!
So…what is your TOLL?
And what should this movie be CALLED?
Or could the same thing work…for both?
If you haven't seen this...I guess maybe watch it. And then name it.